Bullying at school: fighting for your abused child

At the start of school, if the pandemic raises fears, hundreds of children in Quebec fear something else: the return of bullying in schools.What to do when you learn that your 7-year-old child is making suicidal remarks at school? That he suffered a head injury under the repeated beatings of his classmates? What do you have to look for him morning, noon and night to avoid being the target of violence?

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We are stirring heaven and earth.

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This is what Khadija Barbe did, who has seen her son fall under the effects of intimidation at school for over a year. “I am at the end of my rope. We are asking for a change of school, but once again I am running up against walls,” says little Samy's mother. For months, she has said that she has been entangled in an endless bureaucratic maze with her son in distress at heart. “As early as mid-September, we knew that he was being beaten at school. He didn't talk about it, but he often came back with marks and wounds and with no incident reports. We also noticed a change in his behavior, and a restless sleep.”

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Following these observations and some comments from the teacher, the mother decided to have her son evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Several diagnoses emerged, including ADHD and an anxiety disorder. In addition, there are other disorders noted above, in particular in terms of language and vision. All these differences make them an easy target, believes Samy's mother. “I had already noticed some violent behavior towards my son last year, for example when I accompanied the class on a field trip. But I always gave the benefit of the doubt. You don't want to think your child is being bullied.”

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Today, she no longer has doubts. She also asks for help from the CLSC, which goes to the schoolyard to take note of the stampedes involving her son. The child's family doctor also detects a head injury and recommends that the child change classes.

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This request was refused by the school and, according to Ms. Barbe, the events continue to be minimized. Despite an intervention plan, the violence continues and little Samy is not believed when he denounces the injustices suffered. In a letter sent by school staff to parents, it was confirmed that “we do not try to find out who gives the first shot”, inviting all parents involved to discuss their behavior with their children. “This letter was the last straw! How do you pretend to want to solve a situation, without trying to find out who gives the first blow, who defends himself and who provokes? ” laments the mother.Contacted to react in the context of this article, the school and the school board declined an interview request. On the other hand, we assure that: “The school administration and the general management of the School Services Center took the situation very seriously.

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In accordance with the school code of life and the Plan to Combat Bullying and Violence, and following close communication with the parent, measures have been put in place to address the situation. Like all schools in Quebec, it is important to note that all schools in the Thousand Islands School Services Center have a plan to combat bullying and violence.”

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A full-time job

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The problem, for Samy's mother, is that this battle for the well-being of her son has practically become a full-time job. In addition to having to pick him up morning, noon and evening at school, she is constantly involved in procedures, whether with the police and the DPJ, which she herself contacted, with the school board, the student protector, health professionals, and more. “The CLSC does not want to have schools behind them, the police don't get involved, the deputies can't do anything...

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That is the problem! That's why it continues and will continue for a long time to come because no one wants to get wet and take concrete action! ”, whispers the exasperated mother.Debra J. Peppler, a psychologist expert in bullying and violence and a professor at York University in Ontario, is not surprised. “It's a reality that we see a lot. Parents have no choice but to fight for the well-being of their children. In Ontario, there are even several situations that end up in court, but most are resolved out of court so we don't have access to this case law to advance the case.” In Quebec, a first lawsuit opposing a family whose child was the victim of bullying to the school board was successful in 2018.

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The family won their case, showing that the school did not do enough to protect their daughter. Since 2011, following the suicide of a teenager, the Quebec government has nevertheless adopted a law to act against bullying and violence at school. In particular, this law requires schools to have an action plan that must include how to prevent bullying, report cases, ensure the confidentiality of complaints, act when a case is reported, and support victims and witnesses. Students should also be trained on bullying and be aware of the sanctions that may apply. A plan to combat violence and bullying should also include consequences for students who engage in such actions. “The plan was developed with the help of experts in the field of childhood and current research indicates that “punishing” bullies may not always be the best course of action.

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Ideally, we will work on prevention and repair, but obviously each case is unique,” says Jean-François Rioux, secretary general of the Federation of Quebec Parents' Committees.

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Dr. Peppler agrees. “What you need to know is that a child who bullies is often the victim of some form of bullying himself, often at home. He then uses the concept of a hierarchy of power to his advantage,” she explains. “And by imposing a suspension or a punishment, what does the child learn? That the one who is in a position of power (the adult) can impose himself. It is better to work to offer an opportunity for reparation and positive leadership (helping younger people in a kindergarten class, for example). The impact of this law is also difficult to measure, since there is currently no mechanism to assess its impact. “Each year, schools will still write an annual report to assess the situation and identify data. Schools are also invited to review the plan every year in order to update it in the light of this evolution,” says Jean-François Rioux.

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Long-term impacts

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Debra Peppler is still sorry that the country does not have a national anti-bullying plan, as many other countries have done for a long time. According to a study conducted by the WHO, Canada is in fact ranked 26th and 27th out of 35 countries in the fight against bullying in schools. That's why the psychologist is working with the Prevnet team to create a national network to fight violence and bullying.

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Their goal: to create bridges between science, research and citizens in the field who work with children. In particular, their site offers resources and a “toolbox” that details the steps to follow in case of problems. Little Samy is not the only one to experience the hell of bullying from elementary school. A survey conducted by the Research Chair in School Well-being and Violence Prevention at Laval University in 2017 shows that 15% of Quebec students (160,000 children) experience recurrent violence (more than three times a month) at school. This violence has lasting consequences. Researchers from Lancaster, Wollongong and Sydney universities revealed at the Royal Economic Society's annual conference that being bullied at school increased the risk of mental illness by 40% at age 25 and increased the risk of being unemployed by about 35% at age 25 and increased the risk of being unemployed by about 35% at age 25. Another longitudinal study conducted in Great Britain followed children who were victims of bullying from the age of around 10 to the age of 50.

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The observation is unequivocal: the effects of this violence can last for decades.

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“Listen to the kids. They know what's going on better than we do. They have fundamental human rights, and they are being violated,” concludes Dr. Peppler.

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Resources:What to do if your child is a victim of violence or bullying

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Contact the school principal to ensure an effective response to your child and the abuser in accordance with the anti-bullying and violence plan established by the school.

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If your child has symptoms affecting their physical and mental health, get an evaluation from the family doctor or other relevant expert. Keep written records of these steps.

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If you have no news, contact the school director again, this time in writing (email or letter), by sending a copy to the General Directorate of the School Service Center (CSS) .

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If you are still dissatisfied, you can also contact the assigned student ombudsman at CSS or CS. The student protector Its mission is to act as a mediator at the end of the process when the complainant is dissatisfied with the examination of his complaint.

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If you feel that your child's safety is at risk, do not hesitate to contact the police.

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This recourse is yours, regardless of the interventions carried out by the school.

‍To note : In addition to these steps, you can ask for support from various community resources such as the CLSC, The Office for Persons with Disabilities of Quebec if applicable, the Parents line, the organization Space Without Violence, etc. Guide for parents from the Federation of Quebec Parent CommitteesPrevnet, Canadian Centre for Healthy Relationships: Preventing Interpersonal Violence Through Research and Practice.